BootyMD

You get the urge to poop, you go to the bathroom, and then the cleaning ritual begins. The ritual is different for everyone– clean sitting, clean standing, from the front, from the back, a combination of the above. Everyone has his or her own technique, which is all good. However, it has become clear to me that people have forgotten that the job of the anus is to pass stool. It will get dirty doing its job, and it does need to be cleaned, but what is the best way to do this?

When doctors ask patients what problem they’re having with their bottoms, most people likely answer hemorrhoids. What do hemorrhoids mean to people? It could mean pain near the anus, bleeding, itching, extra tissue or drainage. These all cause problems for people and each have a solution, but what they don’t have in common is that they are not all due to hemorrhoids. So let’s explore different booty problems and answer the question: “Do I really have hemorrhoids?”

Every day we try to think of ways to improve our health— a self-promise to go to the gym to shed those extra pounds, vow to drink less, quit smoking. But as the demands of everyday life take over, we abandon our quest for better health. As a general surgeon and mother of three young children, I understand the difficulty of trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle in the midst of a busy life. But just as we find time to look up pictures of celebrity booties, we need to take time to care for what exists between our own butt cheeks….the anus (or whatever you call it: bunghole, poophole, cornhole and stinky winky, or my favorite, booty).

Thongs, G-strings, V- strings: they come in a huge variety of styles and materials, and they are very popular. Why do so many people wear this type of underwear? Of course, they help when you don’t want a visible panty line (VPL) while wearing certain clothes. And let’s be honest, thongs are sexy. Who doesn’t want to feel sexy sometimes–or all the time!

But did you know that your booty may be suffering when you wear a thong?

At least once a year, I see a social media post about objects that doctors find inside anuses and the rectum—in addition to what I see in my practice. Let me just set the record straight—it does happen. It is not a rare call for a surgeon to get called to the emergency room to remove a foreign object that is stuck up someone’s booty. Although people who are not in the medical field are often fascinated by what we find or how it got there, my focus is on what happens once the object is there and how to minimize problems in these situations.